When you lose your rule book

It occurred to me a few days ago that I’d become the single girl suddenly following the rule book. Something which I now need to make quite a large point about. I’m not sure who came up with the rules for dating, probably a man. But be sure to know that the rules only apply to us Ladies. Haha! Of course it was a man!!! Watch out lads, give it 10 years and we really will be ruling the world! 

I’ve never been a follower of rules, I’ve always enjoyed doing the opposite, that’ll be the Leo in me. Classic Leo sign to not like being told what to do by others. I was first single as an adult at age 24 and a half! Before that I had never experienced a part of adulthood without having to explain or feel bad or whatever other pressures get put on you when you’re in a long term relationship. So I was quite an oldie to start the whole have fun and enjoy my youth experience. But I decided I was definitely going to take advantage of the young single girl in her twenties and the rule book had been chucked so deep in a box in the loft under lots of dust and antiques that I had no idea what I should and shouldn’t be doing anyway and the best way to find way was to find it myself, not read what I shouldn’t do. But I reckon rule number 1 would most certainly be Don’t stay single for a long period of time. The longer you stay single, the more explaining you have to give to future prospects. They assume you’re a bit psychotic because obviously being a girl you wouldn’t possibly chose to stay on your own for this long. Something must be wrong and the only guess is that you can’t hold a bloke down so what have you been doing wrong? In my case this couldn’t be further from the truth but I don’t even get asked my reasons.. it’s written there in black and white. 

Single for 7 years. Crazy. Do not approach or approach with caution. 

Another example of a popular rule is to Be careful what clothes you chose to wear. I used to wear the more revealing of tops, something with a low neckline or maybe something with a baggy cleavage. I think I was about 2 years in to being single and guys were still not my priority. I had plenty of male friends who used to joke about my boobs and perhaps I should put them away but I saw it as harmless fun. I wasn’t in the slightest bit offended or flattered. But one day I was enjoying a drink with my friend when suddenly some guys came to chat us up. I wasn’t interested so without being rude I turned away and carried on my conversation with my friend. They carried on talking to us and one of them kept calling me sugar tits. I kindly asked him to stop making the comment and his response was “You shouldn’t wear such revealing clothes if you don’t want people to look”. Now maybe this one is debatable but excuse me for wearing a top I really like just in case I lead you on in any way! Piss off grandad!..oh which must lead me to the next..

Don’t swear, and be quiet. I rarely swear anyway, so this isn’t a thing. I completely agree that it’s not nice to hear ladies swear but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t dateable. One of my best friends swears like a trooper but if I was a guy I’d marry her! She’s one of the best. However, I am loud. Especially with a drink down me and I can most definitely stand up for myself mister so never try and get the better of me. 

There are plenty more things that we have to consider when deciding to date on a more serious level (which is where I am right now). But the most common rule myth, and I’m calling it a myth as I hope one day this will be absolute bullshit and girls will be able to have just as much fun as the boys do without getting a name for themselves. 

Don’t sleep with someone on the first date. Don’t sleep with someone on the second date. Don’t sleep with anyone. Stay a virgin until you are married.. this one frustrates me, can you tell??! Fortunately for me I spent rather a few years really not interested in meeting anyone so this rule was rubbish! Dare uou break this rule if you are looking for something a little more serious though as this will clearly show that you have absolutely no respect for yourselves. You don’t like yourself and you are desperate to be loved. Just some of the opinions I’ve heard. This is the one that has trapped me for quite some time. This is the only rule I followed because these are some of the things I don’t want people to think about me. I don’t want to be known as easy or that I don’t respect myself or I’m the local bike. But that’s some of the things you are willing to be called if you break this rule. Stand your ground and if you truly want to do it for the fun factor then bloody well do it! 

I’ve never slept around. I’ve made mistakes, we all have. I’ve had one night stands, I’ve got drunk and slept with friends that I wouldn’t even think about sleeping with when sober. But none of them have been because I didn’t respect myself. Still I seem to have gathered a little fear of doing anything sexual with anyone because people say I shouldn’t. But that’s not what I wanted. I’m single, let me have the fun I want to have without judgement. Let me do it while I can. Whilst Im sat here worrying about what Society says I should and shouldn’t do, I’ve forgotten how to be myself. I’m concentrating so much on being the good girl that the bad girl that I really want to be sometimes is hiding under a rock wondering if it’s ok to come out and play. I’ll do what I want to do thank you. It doesn’t mean that you have to do the same but it also doesn’t mean that I don’t respect myself. So this weekend that’s exactly what I did! And I bloody loved every second. I let my hair down, I reminded myself how great I was in bed and I enjoyed being single for just a few hours. 

So from now on instead of going in to dates thinking about all of the things I “shouldn’t” be doing, I’ll put that wall down and I’ll remember to be me. That’s the only way I’ll ever find the real love I’m searching for.

Happy shagging! 

C xx

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