A letter to the girl behind the mask 

Dear Charlee, 

I wish sometimes you’d be more honest with yourself. It’s so easy to smile and get on with life but if you ever just stopped and looked around you’d see that all those things you try to hide from everyone isn’t actually hidden at all. People can see the vulnerable little girl that’s so desperate to get out and say so much, to love someone, to have someone love you. It isn’t a bad thing to be vulnerable y’know. It’s quite normal, everyone at some point in their lives will experience it and you should be proud that you’re able to experience such emotion. No one will think any less of you, if anything they’ll think much more of you. For being strong when for so long you’ve actually been incredibly weak. 

A lot of people love you. You know this. You are an exceptionally good human being with such a beautiful heart. You feel so strongly for those who are hurting and you will always put others first. So why is it so wrong for you to feel the same emotions as these people you are so keen to help. Do you judge those? No. So why judge yourself??

I hate it when you look in the mirror and tell yourself you aren’t worth it. You’re beautiful. I know you think everyone just says that to make you feel better but you really are. You’ve got a beautiful soul and it shines through out of your eyes. It’s hard to hide when you’re feeling down. Your eyes show it. Your eyes are showing it now. You aren’t yourself but you won’t be beaten and it’s so frustrating to watch you beat yourself up. 

You know that the universe is waiting to give you real love, you know how much the universe loves you and it’s not just going to send you any old piece of crap. You need the real thing, that unconditional feeling that not everyone gets to experience. You will, and you know he’s on his way. Just believe in yourself, you want a man who is going to look after you but who is going to put you in line when you need to be. He can’t do that whilst you are busy beating yourself up. He needs you at your best. 

Stop going back to the past. It was never always your fault. Life is full of ups and downs, lessons, teaching. Shit happens. You aren’t the only one it’s happened to and you sure as hell are lucky compared to some of the break ups and heart breaks I’ve seen. 

Darling, put yourself out there. Don’t be shy, or scared, or pretend to be that person you aren’t. Someone is going to fall so hard in love with you that you’ll understand why it took so long. He’s going to make you realise how amazing you are and he’s going to help you finally love yourself. It’s going to be wonderful. 


Get out there, swallow that pride and don’t give one hoot about what anyone thinks of you, anyone who looks down on you or who judges you. You give advice every day of your life so start following that advice yourself and practice what you preach. 

I love you. Forever. 

C xx

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When you lose your rule book

It occurred to me a few days ago that I’d become the single girl suddenly following the rule book. Something which I now need to make quite a large point about. I’m not sure who came up with the rules for dating, probably a man. But be sure to know that the rules only apply to us Ladies. Haha! Of course it was a man!!! Watch out lads, give it 10 years and we really will be ruling the world! 

I’ve never been a follower of rules, I’ve always enjoyed doing the opposite, that’ll be the Leo in me. Classic Leo sign to not like being told what to do by others. I was first single as an adult at age 24 and a half! Before that I had never experienced a part of adulthood without having to explain or feel bad or whatever other pressures get put on you when you’re in a long term relationship. So I was quite an oldie to start the whole have fun and enjoy my youth experience. But I decided I was definitely going to take advantage of the young single girl in her twenties and the rule book had been chucked so deep in a box in the loft under lots of dust and antiques that I had no idea what I should and shouldn’t be doing anyway and the best way to find way was to find it myself, not read what I shouldn’t do. But I reckon rule number 1 would most certainly be Don’t stay single for a long period of time. The longer you stay single, the more explaining you have to give to future prospects. They assume you’re a bit psychotic because obviously being a girl you wouldn’t possibly chose to stay on your own for this long. Something must be wrong and the only guess is that you can’t hold a bloke down so what have you been doing wrong? In my case this couldn’t be further from the truth but I don’t even get asked my reasons.. it’s written there in black and white. 

Single for 7 years. Crazy. Do not approach or approach with caution. 

Another example of a popular rule is to Be careful what clothes you chose to wear. I used to wear the more revealing of tops, something with a low neckline or maybe something with a baggy cleavage. I think I was about 2 years in to being single and guys were still not my priority. I had plenty of male friends who used to joke about my boobs and perhaps I should put them away but I saw it as harmless fun. I wasn’t in the slightest bit offended or flattered. But one day I was enjoying a drink with my friend when suddenly some guys came to chat us up. I wasn’t interested so without being rude I turned away and carried on my conversation with my friend. They carried on talking to us and one of them kept calling me sugar tits. I kindly asked him to stop making the comment and his response was “You shouldn’t wear such revealing clothes if you don’t want people to look”. Now maybe this one is debatable but excuse me for wearing a top I really like just in case I lead you on in any way! Piss off grandad!..oh which must lead me to the next..

Don’t swear, and be quiet. I rarely swear anyway, so this isn’t a thing. I completely agree that it’s not nice to hear ladies swear but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t dateable. One of my best friends swears like a trooper but if I was a guy I’d marry her! She’s one of the best. However, I am loud. Especially with a drink down me and I can most definitely stand up for myself mister so never try and get the better of me. 

There are plenty more things that we have to consider when deciding to date on a more serious level (which is where I am right now). But the most common rule myth, and I’m calling it a myth as I hope one day this will be absolute bullshit and girls will be able to have just as much fun as the boys do without getting a name for themselves. 

Don’t sleep with someone on the first date. Don’t sleep with someone on the second date. Don’t sleep with anyone. Stay a virgin until you are married.. this one frustrates me, can you tell??! Fortunately for me I spent rather a few years really not interested in meeting anyone so this rule was rubbish! Dare uou break this rule if you are looking for something a little more serious though as this will clearly show that you have absolutely no respect for yourselves. You don’t like yourself and you are desperate to be loved. Just some of the opinions I’ve heard. This is the one that has trapped me for quite some time. This is the only rule I followed because these are some of the things I don’t want people to think about me. I don’t want to be known as easy or that I don’t respect myself or I’m the local bike. But that’s some of the things you are willing to be called if you break this rule. Stand your ground and if you truly want to do it for the fun factor then bloody well do it! 

I’ve never slept around. I’ve made mistakes, we all have. I’ve had one night stands, I’ve got drunk and slept with friends that I wouldn’t even think about sleeping with when sober. But none of them have been because I didn’t respect myself. Still I seem to have gathered a little fear of doing anything sexual with anyone because people say I shouldn’t. But that’s not what I wanted. I’m single, let me have the fun I want to have without judgement. Let me do it while I can. Whilst Im sat here worrying about what Society says I should and shouldn’t do, I’ve forgotten how to be myself. I’m concentrating so much on being the good girl that the bad girl that I really want to be sometimes is hiding under a rock wondering if it’s ok to come out and play. I’ll do what I want to do thank you. It doesn’t mean that you have to do the same but it also doesn’t mean that I don’t respect myself. So this weekend that’s exactly what I did! And I bloody loved every second. I let my hair down, I reminded myself how great I was in bed and I enjoyed being single for just a few hours. 

So from now on instead of going in to dates thinking about all of the things I “shouldn’t” be doing, I’ll put that wall down and I’ll remember to be me. That’s the only way I’ll ever find the real love I’m searching for.

Happy shagging! 

C xx

Those times when you feel f*@cking amazing!!

It was Christmas Party night last night. I work in a small salon self-employed but its one of my best friends shops so her and her husband paid for us all. A lovely evening of comedy, pies and dancing.
I love dressing up and feeling great, but I don’t do it very often anymore as now I’m a girl in her 30’s I much prefer the local pubs. Dressing up for those nights is a bit of mascara and a spritz of perfume. So to say I was excited to get the sparkly outfits and the jewellery out was an understatement. However, being the most unorganised female I think ever existed I didn’t really think about looking for a new dress until a few days before, then bought about 10 and didn’t like any of them. I finally opted for a beautiful green top and sequin skirt (we won’t even go into the skirt situation!!).

So. All dressed up, hair and make up looking fab. Mini skirt showing off the length of my extraordinary long legs, and top showing just about the right amount of skin but hiding the terrible tan mark I left on my arm (again, because I’m so unorganised I decided to tan at 1.30am the morning before). I was feeling really really beautiful and good about myself.

I’ve been thinking about Mr Interview quite a bit this week, thinking that its Christmas Party weekend and that maybe I’ll eventually bump into him some place. It’d be good to see him in real life. Please bare in mind that I haven’t spoken to this guy in about 6 weeks now so why I was manifesting this in my head I have no idea. Anyway, they say if you think about something enough then it attracts the scenario. And as we have realised previously the universe is giving me a hand lately.
I’m enjoying some comedy and who appears on my phone??! Only MR BLOODY INTERVIEW! Like, seriously world. What are you doing to me. It was only a plain and simple “Hey”. And clearly that shouts Booty Call but I couldn’t resist.. I sent a cheeky couple of texts back. Not cheeky as in flirty. More the casual “Hey” back. And then a bit of “Yeh, out” and maybe a bit of “Xmas Party” when he asked where I was. Thankfully my phone battery died not long after as I did not want to show him that he could have me just like that thankyou very much (although, he definitely maybe probably could!).

Going back to how good I felt, before Mr Interview rudely interrupted. Everywhere I went last night I was star of the show. You’ve got your pretty, skinny little things that look gorgeous but you often wonder what they wake up looking like once the make up has been removed. But last night, I was the woman with the legs, and the hips, and the amazing hair, and the big green eyes (because even though they’re hazel some days they appear much more greener). At one point I had to turn to my friend and ask if my skirt had ridden up my backside and was everything hanging out as I had a half-moon shape circle form around me of guys just giving me the eye. I had a few guys try to chat me up (no chance mate), I even had one guy (who would have had a chance) watching me from across the dance floor and finally come across to, I thought, speak to me and then my beauty must have made him so nervous he walked back away and just studied me from the distance all night. Men are strange creatures.

This may make you believe that I have a huge ego and that I love attention (Who doesn’t) but here’s the thing.
I don’t like attention. I don’t enjoy dancing with a load of men circling and ogling at me. I don’t like men trying to get with me in bars and clubs. And I most certainly don’t want them trying to dance or touch me.
But what I do like is feeling confident, I see the looks on the guys faces and they’re not ones of a threatening manner, they’re looks of “That girl is fine, but she ain’t gonna come home with me so I’ll just enjoy the view and when she smiles, I’ll smile back”. Men tell me I’m beautiful all the time. But sometimes, saying it to yourself and believing it gives you more of an ego boost than when the fit guy that everyone wants says it to you whilst smacking your bum. And that’s when you know you’re on the right track in your quest to love yourself. I’m proud that I don’t need a man to tell me this, and I’m proud that when I say it to myself, I bloody well believe it!

I think my Heart Chakra is fixed :)

As I’ve mentioned in numerous previous posts I’m quite a spiritual being. Mum is a very spiritual being and apparently I’m much like her and maybe even more powerful but I don’t believe I’ll ever be as powerful as her. But I believe in reiki and I know it worked for me and still does work for me when I need it. But each time I’ve been told that my heart chakra is closed, and each time I’ve had it re-opened. Sometimes, I’ll return a few days later and it’s already closed back up. It’s a bit like a swing door. Open, close, open, close but always eventually closes completely.
When I returned home I thought I was doing really well and that my heart chakra was open and shining and ready for love.. but then I went for some reiki and my master told me it was closed. I was so angry at myself! I thought I’d jumped over a massive fence by allowing people in and then I find out that I wasn’t! But she worked her magic and opened me up again.. Well last night’s date proved this.

He was lovely. The date was lovely. He made me laugh ALOT. He made me feel at ease. He put his arm around me. He even held my hand at one point. He kissed me. I kissed back. I didn’t get butterflies.
I’m not sure he’s my Mr Right but he’s worth a second date and he’s getting one on Sunday!

To be Cont….

C xx

Quote 2 – Self Love

I missed day 2 so I’m posting Quote 2 on day 3 :-/ Does that work??

Quote 2 is self explanatory and very important to each and every one of us. Be yourself! Love yourself.


Following nominations are :

And finally :

Quote Challenge Day 1 – “Good Karma”

Many thanks to Patricia Cox (Click here for her wonderful blog) for nominating me with this challenge. I’m new to writing and blogging so it’s always a confidence boost when other bloggers notice and give lovely feedback.

Day 1’s Quote is about  Karma and I am whole heartedly focusing on only the good kinds of karma.
The reason I’ve chosen to focus on this subject is because this world (and 2016) need a bit of a positive boost, people need some encouragement to be nice and basically just because good people make me happy!
A few days ago I had an expensive order shipped to me twice, I didn’t pay for it twice it was just a mess up at the office and I ended up with 2 of the same order. Too many people were pressuring me into keeping quiet and selling it on to make some money. Obviously I didn’t listen. Instead, I called the company, let them know what had happened and they arranged for one of the items to be collected the following morning. They were so very grateful that I’d done this and complimented me on my honesty as “You don’t find many like me anymore”. I didn’t expect them to behave with such shock but the fact they were so grateful made me feel great about myself. A few hours later I received an email from the young lady I’d spoken to. I’d explained when I spoke to her on the phone that I couldn’t be dishonest as I believe in karma and I have a friendship with the universe etc. The company had decided that as a thank you and to prove that my theory of good karma exists, they were sending me a box full of fantastic goodies. At the bottom of the email read…

karma2

You see the universe works like this.. What you send out, you get back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you. Radiate and give love and it will come straight back to you.

So I’m going to nominate the following to join in on this challenge. Chosen because their blogs radiate good vibes and they’re part of the Universe’s tribe.

https://serpentguide.wordpress.com/ – I couldn’t stop reading this blog. It was like a book I couldn’t put down. 🙂

https://lizzygracewrites.com/ – Especially and the universe smiles post. It really did make me smile.

https://dailyinspirationandgratitude.com/ – Because he can teach you how to have a better day.

lots of love,
C xx

People watching 

One of my favourite pastimes is people watching. Whether it’s sitting in a coffee shop (which is where I am now), or sitting in traffic or in a crowded park. There is just something fascinating about watching other people. I like to make up stories in my head about their lives and what they’re doing. Are they on a date? Are they work colleagues? Are they having a affair and he’s meeting his Mrs Jones for their thing that they got going on (one of my favourite songs ever by the way).

I’m currently sharing this coffee shop moment with the following (and remember this is head thoughts so please don’t be spreading rumours) :-

Ronda and Keith – Husband and wife.. Married for centuries. He’s just found technology, she’s just found peace and quiet. Wouldn’t know what to do without each other but have ran out of conversation.

Danny and his Mother and Daughter – It’s a daddy and daughter day. I reckon he’s a single father. He’s got a coffee date with his mother so she can still keep in contact with her precious granddaughter that her ex daughter in law doesn’t want her to see.

Emma and Sean – They are definitely on a date!! Instinct is kicking in here. Maybe a 2nd or 3rd date as they seem to know each other a little already. She’s brought her baby with her, he’s trying to pretend he isn’t scared of it (I can’t work out if its a boy or a girl sorry). They don’t suit in the slightest. He’s a handsome mixed race sporty guy and she’s a plain Jane kind of girl but he’s definitely into her. I like this love story.

The corporate team meeting – These are actually sat on the table next to me so I’m enjoying earwigging. I’m a woman, I can multitask. So there is 1 man (he’s the boss), and 2 women. The women are complaining about another female member of the team. It all sounds silly to me so god knows what it sounds like to him. He’s looking at me more than he’s listening to them anyway. It might be because I look great today but it could also be that he knows he’s my inspiration today.

There’s many more people to watch here, out of control children being chased by their frustrated mothers, friends complaining about their husbands and workmen reading the latest newspapers but I’m pretty sure page 3 doesn’t take that long to read. Lastly their is a girl in the corner, with a latte ( just like me), and a laptop and she’s scanning the place. She’s definitely another one of me, thinking the same as me and writing the same as me. She’s just grinned … She knows that she is the same as me. I nod my head to let her know I acknowledge this and we happily go back to writing about the world and the people as we see it.

Have a good day. Make it what you will.

C xx