Dare to share

Today’s daily prompt is either a coincidence or a sign. Being the spiritual believer that I am, I’m taking it as a sign. Although most people will say it’s just a coincidence.

You’ve all learnt about Mr Interview, he’s a FWB kind of guy and I should never get into this situation thinking anything different. I’ve been meaning to share more about this man for a few days but I’ll admit.. I’ve been scared of people’s opinions and judgement. I know I’m anonymous but I grew up believing people should respect themselves and not be so easy to catch etc etc. It’s never got me anywhere and we all have needs don’t we? And I need this man. Hang on let me rephrase that, I don’t need a man but this man… I asked for him, they sent me him and now I have to make the most of the gift I’ve been given before it gets taken away. It’s called spiritual awareness.

So I’m braving it and I’m Daring to enter his world and also Daring to share it with this world.

We’ll start from the next chapter.. When the photo’s started. For a while it’s just been him sharing. He shares and he asks for my opinion always. Sometimes on what I think of him, sometimes on what I think of his hair, sometimes what I think of his body. But he’s always looking for compliments. Maybe he isn’t as confident as he makes out.
I finally played along and returned the favour, yet mine were more classy. Skin on show but nothing too personal. He complimented me but I didn’t need complimenting, maybe I’m more confident than I make out as I wouldn’t have sent the pic if I didnt think it looked good! Since then I’ve sent a few more discreet ones, then the last few have been more intimate and the other day I bared all (Excluding the face). He excites me, he keeps me on my toes and he’s so beautiful my ovaries hurt (A phrase my best friend uses all of time but I’ve never experienced the feeling until now. We’ve almost met on 3 occasions but each time something has got in the way, I’m starting to think he is all talk. By meet I mean, I’ll go to his, we’ll do the deed and then I’ll leave. I can’t emotionally engage with him, once oxytocin has released in my brain I need to scuttle because I do not need oxytocin to engage with this man in any way shape or form.

He’s also asked me my thoughts on open relationships and would I be willing to embark on something like this. My answer was No.. If I am in a relationship I don’t want to share him and so I asked him if he wouldn’t be atall worried that I’d catch feelings for the other guy.. His response was “You wouldn’t have time, I’d allow you to sleep with someone else if you found them attractive but you’d be straight back here to engage with me on an emotional level afterwards”. Mr Grey eat your heart out??!!

You can all cast your judgement on me, but we are living in a generation of fun-loving youngsters where behaviour that your grandparents would turn in their graves over has become acceptable. The girls are behaving like the guys, which to me isn’t a bad thing but the girls are still being scrutinised for this and the guys are still being high-fived for the same behaviour. Things need to change. Life has changed and as much as I want respect I also want to be given the chance to respect them back. It’s called balance. As long as we set the boundaries and the rules at the beginning then the level of respect towards each other is equal.

C xx

How confident are we really?

I am the life and soul of every party. I ooze confidence, I’ve been told this by many people. For some reason they wish they could be confident like me. This is a difficult one as I really don’t see myself as confident, I don’t see what others see. But I’m not false, I don’t pretend to be someone different. What you see is definitely what you get.

But do they see what I see when I look in the mirror, do they see the thoughts that occur in my headspace, do they see that sometimes I just want to be like society says and when I say I’m glad I’m a little different can they tell that I’m not overly sure if that’s the truth.

You see, I may be outgoing and talkative and I may be the life and soul of the party and many people may want to be like me but I honestly don’t know why. I enjoy trying to improve my self-esteem, its much higher than it used to be and most days I am happy with whats in front of the mirror but it wasn’t always like this and I can promise you that I do always find a fault with myself. I question daily if that’s why I’ve been single for as long as I have..Am I just a good time girl??

If you’ve read some of my first posts you would already know that I started puberty very early and it happened very fast. Periods and pubic hair by the time I was 9. Boobs, Bum and Hips by the age of 12. I grew at a rapid rate meaning I was scarred by stretch marks since the age of 14 or 15. I was taller than everyone else by what felt like the size of the tallest tree and I don’t even want to start on the fact that I don’t ever remember a day where I was skinny. There’s a photo of when I was about 5 that proved that once upon a time I was but I don’t remember. Oh and to top it all off I smashed my gum when my adult tooth was growing through meaning I’ve gone through life with an ugly marked tooth. So to say that I don’t feel like your standard society girl would be a understatment.

Saying that, I don’t think I am ugly. I don’t think I’m fat and my height has actually grown on me (excuse the pun). I’m average, I’ve got pretty eyes. I’ve got beautiful hair, my curves will rock it for the right man and my personality shines for miles. And 90% of the time I hate society anyway!

But please excuse me if I don’t believe you when you tell me I’m stunning, and when you tell me I don’t look fat and when you tell me my outfit is gorgeous and that I have a pretty smile. I’ll thank you and I’ll take your compliment and I’ll feel good about myself but I’ll never be what society says I should be and sometimes, just sometimes I might want to experience what that feels like.

From the bottom of my heart.
Beautiful C xx