When I was 8 I saw a spirit. It wasn’t just a random spirit coming to visit me, it was my nan. I woke up and she was stood next to my bed staring at me. She’d been gone for just under 2 years so I knew what I was seeing was her as a ghost. It frightened me, but not as much as the following 30 seconds would. Once I’d adjusted my eyes to allow my vision to maybe tell me that it was all an optical illusion, my nan changed to form someone else. This is when I became terrified. There is a significant difference in being frightened and being terrified, and I found that out this night. It was only 10 seconds or so before whoever I was seeing in front of me changed again, this time My Grandad was stood there. He stood there enough time for me to realise that everything I’d seen in the previous minute was not an optical illusion. I screamed for my dad so loud that he came bursting into the room instantly, I cried for hours and refused to sleep with the light off for many months after. At that point my grandad was still alive. The following day he passed.
When I was 17 mum believed I was old enough to hear the story behind that crazy night. Mum had also had a visit that night, just before me. My nan was stood at the side of her bed cradling my mums little brother (who died at a sad young age of 2 years old) and holding my grandads hand. Mum told me that she knew my grandads spirit had left even though his body was still working. Nan had come to let her know he was at peace and to warn her of the next 24 hours. As soon as I’d let out that scream she knew that I’d been paid a visit too.
I’d always felt presences whilst in bed. It was the strangest of feelings, like someone was sat on my bed, or someone was moving around. It used to frighten me so I’d squeeze my eyes shut and hold my body still so they’d think I was still asleep. If I played dead then they wouldn’t get me. Back then I’d have given anything to get them away from me, now I’d give anything to feel them again. A few years ago I worked with one of my spiritual masters and together we asked them if they could take a step back. Now they don’t visit me at all.
When I was 22 I was in Toronto, Canada, and I called mum for a catch up. She was excited about a new course she had enrolled in but nervous about what people would say and how serious she would be taken. She was learning about Tarot. Little did we know that she’d become one of the top Tarot Readers in the area (in my heart anyway) and that this was just the very beginning of an amazing journey for her.
When I was 27 I started becoming more curious about it, mum had always wanted me to follow in her path but would never push me. We started with reiki, and every now and then I’d have a little play with the cards but still up to this day my worry of criticism, judgement and non understanding of others keeps my confidence at too much of a low to practice on the public. I became a reiki 2 and and have since enjoyed learning all about spiritualism and finding my own path. Not long after I’d found reiki my life took a rough path. Somehow I got lost and my body, mind and spirit was not working with me. I lost control of life for a while and very quietly slipped into a path of depression and destruction. I didn’t want to be “the depressed one”. I wanted to be the bubbly one like I always had been, the tough one of the family. But something was stopping me and the more I tried to be happy the more my body didn’t allow me to be. I was putting obstacles in the way of everything so mum sent me off to a friend who preformed “cutting the ties that bind us”. I then had reiki for the next few months and my life, as promised, changed. The course my life took not only helped me to remove the negativity that was blocking my doorway but also send me on a travelling path of self discovery.
Last night (I’m 31 now), for the first time I meditated and didn’t fall asleep. I meditated without being guided and I did it all by myself. I felt real stuff. I visioned and I manifested. And when my body woke me up naturally, I was buzzing and so excited for 2017 that I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face.
This was, and still is, my journey. I’m ready.